Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
