No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
