Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
