she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
