Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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