I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the day after is always just damage control
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
