when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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