At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
