i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
