I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Found your dick twin last night
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
