after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
