Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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