thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
