College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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