drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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