it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
