her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
