best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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