i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
