He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
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I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
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I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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