I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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