I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize