At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
