Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...