his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
