This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
