I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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