i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
