Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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