you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
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I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
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I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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