If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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