Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
