their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
