You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
