a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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