your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
