If that was your dad, he is hot
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
