my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
