Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
two words...techno handjob
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
