I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
