these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
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I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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