YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
