He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
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I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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