pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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