Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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