this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
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After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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