Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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