i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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