I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
FUCK WHALES
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
