omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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