I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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