you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
