I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
