We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
