Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
