I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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