i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
