You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
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i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
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I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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